soldier215's Xanga

i dont know what to do

Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:15:13 GMT

i havent updated this in awhile and so i decided to post today. life at home has not been that good. i still have not really did anything interesting. i dont start school for like another two weeks. im still looking for a job. i just cant wait until everything gets going. i hate sitting around waiting for something to happen. i havent really been looking for a girlfriend, because i been babysitting my sister kids and they are a handful. i would like to have someone that i can talk to and just chill with. i been thinking of missy alot lately. i think she has a new boyfriend and for some reason it is eating me up inside. we are not together or anything, we havent even really talked but it still bothers me to know that she is with someone else. i dont know what to do?

HOME!!!!

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 03:46:55 GMT

So Ive been home for about a week now. things have been a little rocky. I have almost lost my temper quite a few times. i guess i just need more time to get readjusted to family life. my brother seems more annoying then ever. my niece and nephews seems like all they do is cry all day. i just have not had the patience to deal with everything. i actually caught the bus and went for a hour ride just to get out and hang out with military people. it seems like it was easier to connect with them.

well since Ive been home i have not talk to missy or charlene. i don't know if i want to. i want to give it time to see if ill still feel the same way in about a month or so. missy was actually right around the corner from my house the other day but walk all the way around just so she would not pass my house. i thought about going around to talk to her but if she wanted to talk she wouldn't have took the long route, right? i don't know what to do yet, so im just not going to do anything. im just going to stay focused on my family life and getting into the school that i applied for.

What quality of yours would you like to pass to your kids?

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 05:02:26 GMT

If i had a little boy I would like to pass on my respect for woman. If my father taught me anything in life, it is how to treat a lady. There is too many guys out here that disrespect woman way too often. There is no reason that a man should ever touch a woman to cause harm. Men, we are suppose to protect our woman not beat them. I'm sorry for the long answer but I feel very strongly about this. If I could only teach my son one thing, it would be to treat woman with the utmost respect like they deserve to be treated

I just answered this Featured Question, you can answer it too!

The Airport

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 06:11:01 GMT

This was not a bad week at home. Right now I am stuck at the airport trying to get back to N.C. It was crazy trying to get here. My brother and I caught a bus but got off at the wrong spot so we had to figure out a way to get to the airport. We ended up running across the highway, climbing this massive hill, jumping over a fence and walking across a bridge only to find out that I missed my flight by one minute. So I got a ticket for the next flight and it is not until 7am. Now we are just stranded at the airport for 4 more hours. My brother is asleep right now, we are taking shifts sleeping and watching the bags. Well thats all for now.

Going Home

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 19:16:51 GMT

Okay, so I'm going home tomorrow for nine days. I have no idea what I am going to do while I am home. Usually I spend all my time with Missy. I got to get some things together so that when I finally go home for good I can have everything straightened out. I got to go to traffic court and put a payment on my tickets so I can get my license. I am going to go to CHI and see what I have to do to get enrolled in their electrician courses. And thats about it. I can do all that in two days. I could call Charlene and chill with her for a little, but I don't know. I need to find some stuff to keep me busy while I'm home. I am going try to not contact Missy while I'm home. I don't think its good for me to keep thinking about her but I cant help it. At least I gave up on trying to talk to her. That only made me more upset every time I tried. I'm thinking about getting a tattoo. I think I'm going to get my last name across my back. I think thats a good idea, I might get it while I'm home.

Just Me

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 00:08:53 GMT

Well I haven't talked to Charlene in a couple of days. I think that she might be with someone else. I don't really blame her if she is because I haven't given her anything to go on. I think that she expected us to get together after me and Missy broke up, even though I never told her that. I'm not really ready to be with anyone right now. I just want to get myself together first. I don't think it would be fair to start a relationship with someone else while I'm still thinking about Missy. So for now I'm just going to enjoy the rest of the summer a single man, trying to have fun.

Miss and Char

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 22:19:01 GMT

Today was a long day at work. I am so tired right now. Everyday is a step closer to finally going home. I cant wait, I have so many plans for when I get home. I am still upset about the whole thing with Missy. I just wish I could go back in time and fix everything. I don't know what to do. I know I should just move on and try to get over her but its not working. I'm always thinking about her. I catch myself thinking about what we going to do when I get home and I got to tell myself that its never going to happen because she is never going to talk to me again. On the other hand I started talking to my ex-girlfriend again. Her name is Charlene. Its like I don't have any feelings for her or anything but I don't see why I cant just talk to her as a friend. I dont get why she would still want to be with my friend after what I did to her. I simply pushed her to the side when Missy asked me to. Thats what I dont get. Charlene still wants to be my friend after all that and still all i think about is Missy. Why cant it be easier to just get over Missy and not feel guilty everytime I talk to Charlene? I'm hoping that as I talk to Charlene more and more then it will get easier. Well thats all for now.

So Confused

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:39:14 GMT

So I'm sitting here at the barracks, on base and I am thinking again. I spend a lot of time thinking about the future and what it holds. I think about what I'm going to do when I get home and I wonder how long its going to be until I do get home. I am still thinking about Missy (my ex-fiancee). I don't know why I can't stop thinking of her. We have not talked in about a month and yet i can't get her off my mind. I know that I messed up and she has every right to be mad at me and not to talk to me, but I still wish that she would. Everyone has told me that I should move on and forget about her but it's not that easy. I am pretty sure that we would never be together again and it breaks my heart every time I think about it. I guess I should say why we broke up in the first place. Well she broke up with me at first because she says that I changed after I got sent to the Army base. I do not deny that but it is not something that I can help. I went home on a four day pass and we had started to work things out a little but then she found out that I had been talking to my ex-girlfriend for the past four months. I had only talked to her as a friend, nothing more. I know that that still does not make it right. After Missy found out about that everything was lost, she would not speak to me at all. I have tried apologizing over and over and I didn't know what else to do and so I just stopped trying. Now it has been over a month and I have not spoken to her. I don't know what to do! I want to be with her and to let her know how sorry I am and I would do anything to make up for what I did but she has already expressed to me that she does not want to speak to me ever again. Should I just give up on a love that was so perfect and try to move on with my life? I'm so confused.........

A Little About Me (Monday 2AM)

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 04:57:15 GMT

Alright so this is my first post. I guess I'll start by saying a little about myself and why I decided to start a weblog. Well my name is Angel and I am in the Pennsylvania Army National Guard. I was born and raised in North Philadelphia. I decided to start this as a way to express myself. See I am the strong one in the family and I can't really express myself to my family because they need someone who is going to be strong for them. I don't feel comfortable talking to them about my feelings because I feel like I shouldn't worry them about it. I have a sister who is raising three kids on her own and I know it is not easy for her. I try to help her as much as possible. That's a little background on me. Lately I feel like I should express myself in some way because the stress of everyday life is getting to me. I am stationed at an Army base away from home and with people that I dont even know. My fiancee recently broke up with me and now I dont have anyone I can talk to. Well I think that is enough for now. Please feel free to comment and I'll try to keep up with this.